New Element Found!

  
	   *** FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE ****
 
   The SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence)
community is frantically re-writing their spectral 
analysis protocols to include detection of a newly          
discovered element.  If this new element, which is abundant 
on Earth, is found anywhere else in the universe, it would  
be PROOF-POSITIVE that life exists where the element is     
found.  More importantly, it would indicate that Homo sapien
-type life was present.  Here are the details about the new 
element:                                                    

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	      NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED  
				    
  The heaviest element known to science was recently        
discovered at the Watson Research Centre.                   

  The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no     
protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. 
However, it does have one neutron, 75 vice-neutrons, 125    
assistant neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons.  This   
gives an atomic weight of 312.  These 312 particles are held
together in a nucleus by a force that involves the          
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.  

  Administratium has a normal half-life of about 3 years, at
which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a       
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons   
and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.  Some studies  
have already shown that atomic weight actually increases    
after each reorganization.                                  

  Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.       
However, it can be detected chemically, as it impedes every 
reaction with which it comes into contact.  According to the
discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one   
reaction to take over 4 days to complete, when it normally  
would occur in less than a second.                          

  Research at other laboratories indicates that             
Administratium occurs naturally and tends to concentrate at 
points such as government, large organizations and          
universities.  Scientists point out that it is known to be  
toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy  
any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.  
Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can 
be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results   
are not promising.                                          
						     
Footnote:  IF this element is discovered in the vast reaches
of our universe, it would seem to indicate that the         
associated life-form(s) are not, unfortunately, superior to 
Homo sapien.